The other day, as I was getting ready, I found myself mindlessly picking apart parts of physical appearance. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until several minutes and thought, “Wow, that was mean of me.” I’ve come a long way in how I view myself, but there are still moments where I slip back into being my own worst critique.
This had me thinking, why is it so hard to be nice to ourselves sometimes? We beat ourselves up for a mistake we make at work or school, something we said that we think was dumb, or overly criticize aspects of our physical self. The thing is, how we talk to ourselves affects us more than we may realize.
Imagine you have a best friend, you are closer to them than anyone else. During a conversation with a few friends over lunch, you accidentally spill an entire cup of coffee on your lap. Your best friend turns to you and says, “You look so stupid right now. Way to go.”
Would you want to continue to be friends with this person? Wouldn’t you re-evaluate if they were really a good friend? Would you let someone speak to you in a harmful way? Hopefully, you wouldn’t.
How we treat ourselves should be held to the same standard of how we let others treat us.
The bottom line is Don’t Bully Yourself.
This reminds me of the Bible verse, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We are not only supposed to love others well, God wants us to love ourselves well too.
As the sayings go…
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill up your own cup before you fill up others.
Put on your oxygen mask before your neighbors.
The analogies go on and on.
This may be odd at first, but if you realize you’re being a bully to your brain, try standing up for yourself.
Here are a few examples:
Me: “You can’t pull off this outfit. You look too bloated.”
Response to myself: “No, I look beautiful in this. I am perfect exactly how I am.”
Me: “What you said was dumb. You look so stupid right now.”
Response to myself: “What I said was not dumb. No one thinks I’m stupid. I am smart and capable.”
Be intentional with how you talk to yourself. Learn to build yourself up and speak to yourself how you want others to speak to you. Loving yourself well matters more than you may think.
For the longest time throughout my eating disorder and a while during my recovery, I didn’t have any hope that I was going to get better. To me, it felt like my eating disorder would always take over my life and I would never have any freedom from the lies and abuse I was putting my body and mind through. I couldn’t even imagine a life without constantly obsessing over calories, hating how I looked, and feeling completely worthless. There seemed to be no light at the end of this tunnel. I was on one path with my eating disorder and I didn’t know how to turn around and walk in the other direction. I felt like I was completely without hope.
If there is one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I’m not a quitter. If I want to achieve something, then I will try my hardest to accomplish it and won’t stop until I’ve reached my goal. Although I suffered through severe depression, I felt like I had nothing else to lose except to keep trying and pray that eventually, things would start to improve. Of course, there were countless times when I didn’t want to get up out of bed in the morning. I didn’t want to face the reality of my eating disorder and the effort I was going to have to put into getting better. A lot of the time, it seemed unattainable, especially while trying to change the view of myself from a failure to someone that is beautiful and worthy. It seemed nearly impossible.
Recovery was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, but in the end, it was completely worth it. It has been almost two years since the beginning of my recovery and I am thankful every day that I never gave up.
I never thought I would finally feel free from my eating disorder. Recovery does not happen overnight, and honestly, I believe that you can never fully recover from something like an eating disorder. Those tendencies are with you forever, but your mindset and how you view your body can be completely transformed through patience and constantly working towards improvement.
Growing up in the South, my grandmother always makes black eyed peas, collard greens and corn bread for our New Years day meal. Southerners have a ton of traditions and one of them is that you always have to eat enough peas and collards for good luck and prosperity for the upcoming year.
Like a lot of Southerners, we eat collards throughout the year and have them as a side with a lot of our meals. My grandmother’s recipe is the best! Her secret ingredient in her collards is a little honey and vinegar mixed with enough seasoning so that the broth is good enough on its own! My grandmother calls the broth left in a pot of collards, “Pot Liquor,” and it is absolutely delicious with cornbread.
Another Southern recipe centered on the New Years tradition of black eyed peas is a healthy and delicious dip called Southern Caviar. It’s a great dip to bring to your New Years party to share with family and friends. My family has made this for years. It’s one of my favorites and is a yummy vegan recipe.
*I used organic canned black eyed peas but you could use dried black eyed peas soaked overnight and then prepared the way you like. There is an easy way to prepare the Italian Dressing instead of using the store bought kind full of preservatives and additives (recipe below). This time around I used Whole Food’s organic Italian Dressing.
Southern Caviar
- 1 (10 oz) can organic diced tomatoes and green chiles
- 2 (15 oz) cans organic black-eyed peas, drained or approx. 2 cups of freshly prepared black eyed peas
- 1 (15 oz) can organic whole kernel corn, drained
- 1 small onion chopped
- 2 cups chopped red bell pepper
- ½ cup chopped fresh jalapeno peppers
- 8 oz bottle organic Italian Dressing
- 4 oz jar chopped pimentos, drained
Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and let sit overnight to combine flavors. Serve with your favorite veggies or chips. It’s great by itself too! 🙂
Recipe for Italian Dressing:
- 1 cup of olive oil
- 1/3 cup red wine vinegar
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp sugar
- 1/2 tsp dried oregano
- 1/2 tsp dried mustard
- 1/2 tsp paprika
- 1 minced garlic clove.
Combine in jar and shake. Let sit for at least 2 hours in frig. Shake before using.
Happy New Years everyone!