For the longest time throughout my eating disorder and a while during my recovery, I didn’t have any hope that I was going to get better. To me, it felt like my eating disorder would always take over my life and I would never have any freedom from the lies and abuse I was putting my body and mind through. I couldn’t even imagine a life without constantly obsessing over calories, hating how I looked, and feeling completely worthless. There seemed to be no light at the end of this tunnel. I was on one path with my eating disorder and I didn’t know how to turn around and walk in the other direction. I felt like I was completely without hope.
If there is one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I’m not a quitter. If I want to achieve something, then I will try my hardest to accomplish it and won’t stop until I’ve reached my goal. Although I suffered through severe depression, I felt like I had nothing else to lose except to keep trying and pray that eventually, things would start to improve. Of course, there were countless times when I didn’t want to get up out of bed in the morning. I didn’t want to face the reality of my eating disorder and the effort I was going to have to put into getting better. A lot of the time, it seemed unattainable, especially while trying to change the view of myself from a failure to someone that is beautiful and worthy. It seemed nearly impossible.
Recovery was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, but in the end, it was completely worth it. It has been almost two years since the beginning of my recovery and I am thankful every day that I never gave up.
I never thought I would finally feel free from my eating disorder. Recovery does not happen overnight, and honestly, I believe that you can never fully recover from something like an eating disorder. Those tendencies are with you forever, but your mindset and how you view your body can be completely transformed through patience and constantly working towards improvement.
