Everyone has something they are afraid of. Whether it’s a fear of rejection, fear of walking into a crowded room, fear of failure, fear of the unknown….the list could go on. We all have that one thing that we’re scared of that holds us back from stepping out and trying something new.
I remember my very first trip to New York after being signed with my agency. Even though I was new to the modeling industry, my agency sent me out from the beginning with some pretty big names in the fashion world. I was excited to get my schedule and see who I would be meeting with each day; excited to ride the subway to the castings; and even excited walking up to the buildings. But, after I walked in and saw the boards on the wall by the elevators that listed the famous designers by name and their floors, I was beyond scared and frozen with fear. Reading the names was intimidating enough, I didn’t think I could get in the elevator or push the buttons or make it past the lobby.
I felt like a deer in headlights. Here I was, this young, teenage girl from Georgia, about to meet with people I’d only read about in magazines or seen on TV. I felt like I could never gather enough confidence needed to walk into their studios or meet them face-to-face. I remember being so nervous at one of my first castings, I had to sit down in the lobby, just to catch my breath.
Looking back, after going on several castings, I realized that if it weren’t for taking those first baby steps away from fear and doubt and making myself get on the elevator and push the buttons, I would have never gotten anywhere – only as far as the lobby. My fear of rejection and failure wanted to keep me planted where I was and never moving forward. When we’re afraid, fear and comfort zones might seem like they’re keeping us safe, but they really keep us from living our lives to the fullest. They hold us back from ever reaching our full potential.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
It took a lot of false-confidence to push the buttons, ride the elevators, and walk into the castings with my head held high. After a while, it became easier and I started to love going and meeting all of these interesting people. My fake confidence soon started to turn into real confidence. What I was originally afraid of, ended up making me stronger. I guess the saying, “fake it until you make it,” really does work.
When I was going through recovery for my eating disorder, I lived in a world of isolation. Stepping outside of my destructive comfort zone seemed impossible and foreign to me. I felt trapped with my fears and by the habits and thoughts caused by eating disorder. My close friends and family knew what I was going through, but no one really understood the struggles I was dealing with everyday. Although my comfort zone was causing me pain, it seemed easier to stay put in a dangerous place than to face my fears and start living in freedom.
Around six months into my recovery, I was asked to speak to the cast for a show my younger sister was in that happened to be about eating disorders. Before this, I had not spoken to many people about what I was going through. I couldn’t imagine telling a group of thirty strangers the most personal and painful parts of my life. I had to leave my comfort zone of isolation to tell my story, and the thought absolutely terrified me. I ended up walking into the room with the cast, just like I had to walk into the rooms with the designers and in tons of castings before. I carried with me the same fears and doubts.
As soon as I began sharing my story about my eating disorder, I felt something inside of me change. Just like taking those steps into the elevator and walking into those castings, my fears started to vanish. A few months after that day, I decided to start this blog. I realized what my purpose was and I wanted to use my story to hopefully help others that are dealing with the same struggles I have been through. If I‘d stayed trapped by my own fear, I would’ve never grown as a person – I would have never moved forward. I am free now from those fears and from my eating disorder and have the strength to share my story.
“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.”
If you are stuck and struggling with fear or dealing with an eating disorder and trying to move outside of your comfort zone, take the first step. Even if it means just a few steps outside of your house or sharing what you’re going through with someone close to you. Step outside the trap of isolation. You have the strength inside of you, but it’s up to you to act on it. You don’t have to be trapped by your fears and you deserve to move forward in life.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
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